SHOE SALE- magic words in my mind....
What is the obsession?
When did it start?
My memory of shoes begins with a certain red yellow and blue pair of sneakers, with "left" and "right" written on the toes. I still have the left, it could barely hold my pinky today, yet I remember getting those shoes!
Next I remember the aubergine stiff as rocks, leather ones with the red and white shoelaces that were like thick bakery strings. Mom and I went with big sis SB to Joseph's in the Heights to get them. We sat on a wooden rocking horse while an old man slid my foot into a glistening metal contraption, like a ruler, but it's numbers were much more magical. Over the years, I'd watch in glee as my big toe inched up past the lines as I stood up to measure. Progress! Soon I would be in big girl shoes!
Now here's where the story takes a turn... ( thanks for reading along)
My Bubby and Zaydee, may they with Hashem's help, each be granted 120 years, are holocaust survivors.
My shoe obsession is therefore true gluttony, Jewish Guilt turns my stomach.
It is an addiction I try to hide from them, which is pretty hard, as I eat shabbos with them almost weekly!
"Are those more new shoes", they ask?
"Nah, wore them last week, just with a different skirt, so they look different.."
I feel so terrible for buying shes the way I do.
When my bubby was my age, she was in Germany, dreaming of a day when she could be sick with a fever so she could stay in her bunk instead of standing thigh deep in an icy river moving logs.
This shabbos, though, there was one of those moments of epiphany, when I just knew where I came from, and why I am in search of soles.
"Tell me bubby and zaydee what was it like preparing for your wedding?" I ask ( as we prepare for SB's big day in only 4 weeks!)
Bubby says, "there was one dress in the whole town. Of course it fit all of us, no one had too much to eat and most of us had stopped growing at 13! But it fit me like a seamstress had worked hours on it! I remember standing in the mirror, putting my hair this way and that way and smiling at the prospects, while laughing at myself for worrying about something so silly... when there was likely not going to be much to even eat at the wedding!"
My zaydee chimes in.......
now my Zaydee is a big Rav ( rabbi) in a Yeshiva (great "university" of Jewish learning) let's say fashion is a topic we have almost never broached( except to tell me once that my dress was too tight across my tuchus making me not tsnius ( modest) enough to go outside!)but suddenly, Zaydees eyes are glowing, he is smiling and brimming with the excitement he saves for his Gemara.
"I was away in yeshivah when we were engaged. I was in the American zone while Bubby was in the English zone. In the American zone we often got huge packages of worn clothing shipped from America. As a future chatan, I was given the opportunity to pick out a wardrobe for my kallah, so that we may enter the marriage home with dignity. I had only met your bubby 2 times, for an hour each before the engagement, but I sifted through those packages , I knew what would fit my beautiful kallah! I found a coat, with stitching so nice, a tailor once complemented it. There was a fur lining at the collar. And there was a knee length suit, it was brown and wool, thick for a cold winter, but with a fine hand like chashmere ( my bubby interjects, "no it was navy!!") Maybe there were 2 suits they finally agree... and there were THE SHOES.
My ears perk up...Zaydee describes them like Staurt Weitzmann might.......
"They were navy fine leather with soles that had no scuffing at all, like brand new, they had a heel that was wooden and leather a little buckle across the back and a perfect hole at the toes to show a little toe poking out ( I think they meant 1940's peep toe shoes, very popular!)
ahh, those were THE SHOES!!! so beautiful, my lovely Hanshelle ( bubby's nick- name) was a dream in those!
Bubby says "I wore them and that fur trimmed coat off the boat when we finally got to America, they were my future, they were my hope"
and maybe this is why I too buy shoes.
like in Pirkei Avot ( I paraphrase)
"Don't judge a person till you have walked in their
soul"
