what happens in Miami, stay in Boro Park

What I learned while in Miami for vacation for Pesach:

a teichel or a sheitel in a bikini's best accessory. A shocking amount of frumie married maidelahs were stripping down to teenie weenie bikinis on the beach, but no fear their sheitels snoods or bandanas stayed firmly planted on those seductive locks.

it is ok to swim on shabbos, as long as you are married allready

if you feel the need to wear hoochie mama sundresses, halter tops, paste on bras, don't supress your desires, just go for it with a tight white three quarter length t shirt underneath! Can I hear the editors at vogue hurling!

you must own a 2000 dollar fendi spy bag and marc jacobs jean skirts if you are under 17 and staying with your parents at a pesach program

If a guy shows interest in you, speaks to you for 2 hours at the Eden Roc social scene and even asks for your number..
He will ignore you when he sees you again and will never call when the Miami sun fades and you return to NY

Anybody who is anybody is in Miami

Post pesach you must stand on line for 4 hours to get pizza even if you don't eat it because of the carbs, it's more the thrill of the hunt

you will then proceed to spend four hours on line to get into an exclusive south beach club, to then get in and see everyone you just spent all of pesach with

you will get fat, even if you merely look at the desserts at the 64 daily tea times.

you will get a fabulous tan even if it hurts just to make your coworkers jealous, and don't tans make you look thin?

My ten plagues of pediatric residency

in the spirit of the holiday!

We all have our own personal plagues, much like the Jews as slaves in Egypt.
Here are mine, as a slave to pediatrics residency.

1. Blood- trying to draw it from the phantom veins of a pudgy infant who is crying, writhing, kicking my face ( as I am using my face to keep the brat in a headlock), peeing on my hands, while the parents are either cursing my existence, passing out, or trying to undo my headlock.

2. Frogs- the way I jump when my pager goes off, just as I spent the last 20 minutes gymnastically getting into the top bunk of the call room, begging for some shut eye in my 29 hour shift!

3. lice- "Oh sweetie, Dr. SG is so sorry you are sick, and your mommy left you all alone tonight in the hospital because she is having an affair with the gardener and flew to Vegas, with him ,when you have Ebola, come rest your head on my shoulder, on second thought, let's just hold hands.

4.swarming gnats- the med students I teach. Don't they know that on rounds you are not supposed to make your resident look bad!

5. Disease among the beasts- viral gastroenteritis, when every child in Long Island is vomiting, can't stand Pedialyte (even when their maid serves it in champagne glasses) and their parents who think a little vomiting means the end of their precious child prodigees.

6. Boils- Every skin rash that I can't yet diagnose. They must all be speaking Lashon Hora!

7.Hail- When it rains it pours- no fail, there will be at least 10 admission to do while I am on call

8.locusts- daily special in the gourmet hospital cafeteria.

9.Darkness- the way it looks outside when I get to work at 530 AM and when I leave at 7PM. Or what I pray for when I am trying to sleep during daylight after being awake on call 29 hours.

10. Murder of the firstborn. Intern= firstborn. Houskeeping gets mad about all the blood on the doorways.