what happens in Miami, stay in Boro Park

What I learned while in Miami for vacation for Pesach:

a teichel or a sheitel in a bikini's best accessory. A shocking amount of frumie married maidelahs were stripping down to teenie weenie bikinis on the beach, but no fear their sheitels snoods or bandanas stayed firmly planted on those seductive locks.

it is ok to swim on shabbos, as long as you are married allready

if you feel the need to wear hoochie mama sundresses, halter tops, paste on bras, don't supress your desires, just go for it with a tight white three quarter length t shirt underneath! Can I hear the editors at vogue hurling!

you must own a 2000 dollar fendi spy bag and marc jacobs jean skirts if you are under 17 and staying with your parents at a pesach program

If a guy shows interest in you, speaks to you for 2 hours at the Eden Roc social scene and even asks for your number..
He will ignore you when he sees you again and will never call when the Miami sun fades and you return to NY

Anybody who is anybody is in Miami

Post pesach you must stand on line for 4 hours to get pizza even if you don't eat it because of the carbs, it's more the thrill of the hunt

you will then proceed to spend four hours on line to get into an exclusive south beach club, to then get in and see everyone you just spent all of pesach with

you will get fat, even if you merely look at the desserts at the 64 daily tea times.

you will get a fabulous tan even if it hurts just to make your coworkers jealous, and don't tans make you look thin?