Goy ( Boy) Toy

Sometimes when I pass by a darkened window/full length mirror and catch a glimpse of the result of Krispy Kreme feedings on my gluteus maximus I can't help but thinking of Travis. Ok, really my big tuchus and a hot , sweet, aryan, corn- fed midwestern non jewish resident in "mini-soda" have nothing to do with eachother... except that this goy once "had it bad" for me (in his words) despite my Jewish ASSets!
this is one of my best feel good stories, so I must share ( sorry for repeating it, but damn I feel special!)

Travis Mcgoy (very close to his real name) never really said much to me in med school. He sat towards the back of the room with a group of nice goy guys, all pretty much blond, good mannered, good student, mamas boys who probably threw a good party- but if there was, I was never invited. I was super Jew girl, the only orthodox girl in my class, maybe ever in my med school. I dressed funny, I never went out friday night, I sat in the front, took good notes and liked to raise my hand a lot in lecture ( I am surprised that there were no spitballs in my hair!)
Every day I sat through the first class with my Balance bar and a bottle of water, munch, scribble, slurp, munch...
little did I know I was being endearing!
first I met Tom, Travis' best friend. Tom and I once got into a discussion about how I can't date non jewish guys, he was very offended, but if I recall, he was engaged to his now wife then...
next I met Travis.
We were both the only two students doing a neuro elective second year. Every week we sat together in our dress up clothes, often laughing at how we managed to coordinate our colors (note to self, get darker shades on my apartmet windows) - boy did he look good in pink! But being that he's a goy, and I am trained well in the art of repression, I never really thought about Travis in THAT way.
We would sit and chat until our preceptors swept us apart for the afternoon. This lasted two months.
Years of med school "flew" by, and once in a while, we would say "hey" in the library, and then I'd notice his group of friends muttering and laughing. "great" I thought, "laugh at super Jew!"
this was so 4th grade, but whatever, pulling my braids would have been very welcome advances in my"radiant" dating life.

Then, as life passes like grass that withers in the night (psalms) I found myself at match day, fourth year. Travis matched at an esteemed program in mini-soda, I matched at a shabbos program in New York ( montagues and capulets, no?)

Travis came up to me, and looked down and said, "congrats on your match, I'm happy for you",
"Thanks Travis" I replied, "I am very impressed with yours!! Good luck". Ok, time to get back to my conversation with my diet coke, but alas, Travis blurts out like George washington's "I cannot tell a lie"...
SG, I THINK YOU ARE GREAT, I HAVE LIKED YOU FROM THE START OF MED SCHOOL, I HAVE HAD A HUGE CRUSH ON YOU AND I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOW OR I NEVER WILL, I WILL TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT LATER
and he walks away with his posse onto the balcony

what the &^%$#????

Is this some super jew joke? but he looked so serious and he was sweating little beads on his upper lip and his oceanic blue eyes swelled like the waves that tickle your feet on a sweltering day.

Ok, what to do? get another diet coke and then make my way to the balcony.

"were you serious, Travis?" I asked.

"yeah, SG, I have had it bad for you from the begining, watching you in class, always dressed so cute, with your breakfast bar in the morning, the way you are so curious in class, the way you play with your hair when you are thinking ( I do???), SG, you are something special, and I don't want to let you get away! Can I call you please? can we hang out? before I move away, or I will regret this the rest of my life"
and then, I hear the voice of my high school teacher in my head
"yidin, if you are in college and Chris your lab partner asks you to a baseball game, don't go, because he might be interested in more than the popcorn"

my stomach sinks, what to do?
well Travis is not Chris, it's a completely different name, and I am not in college in lab...

so,
I gave him my number and memorized his smile.

and I went home and thought of my relatives that perished in the Holocaust
and of Yassir Arafat
and the KKK
and that stupid kid and the roller rink when I was in 5th grade that threw a rock at me and called me "jew"

I had a bad case of Jewish Guilt

that night we had a match day party at a club in "Beansville". I got all dressed up, ready to celebrate the rest of my life and my 200,000 debt.
of course Travis was there,
he came up to me and said I looked hot, he leaned in to talk because it was loud music and he smelled like something just out of the dryer, and then I...

walked away to get a diet coke ( ok, I was a little obsessed but I was trying to look good for this other yokel who was going to visit me from Israel to go on a date)

he came up to find me and called me baby.
I would have melted a thousand times over if his name was shmuley or even Jacob.
instead it made me feel weird.

he begged to go to a movie, and I said,
Travis, I know this might sound strange, but I am an Orthodox Jew, I keep Kosher, do strange rituals, I dont use electricity on friday and saturday, I am really different than you might know.

"SG, I dont care, I like you for you" "all that doesn't matter to me, you are still you, and you are incredible, baby"

ooh, this is getting hard

I left

Travis called me and left a sweet message

I called him back
and left his answering machine a message that hurt to deliver:

" I am not permitted to date non Jews, I really like you Travis, it is not against you, but it is something I have believed in for 26 years. I wish I could change things, but this is who I am. I am sorry and hope you understand this. I wish you all the best in residency"

Travis called me that night and I let it go to voice mail.

he sounded like he was crying, he siad he was undertsanding and impressed at how devoted I am to by beliefs and that he will miss me and think of me.

G-d, whoever you have in mind for me better have been worth this.

every one has their real life fairy tale, but life doesn't always end happily ever after.