The world is not falling apart because of me

Last night I almost gave up.
I usually brim with passion, compassion and enthusiasm for my craft. Today a friend helped to point out that this passion is what pushed me through on those days that felt like brick walls.
Last night the world was not in my hands, and pushing, trodding, enthusiasm were useless.
I was working overnight on call in a phone triage room. Basically, parents call their pediatrician's answering service throughout the night and the service faxes the message and a call back number to me. I then call back the parents and give the proper advice for care.
Last night a message comes in
"joe shmoe" 1 week old male, vomiting severely for one day, won't take feeds at all, looks bad"
call 718 555 5555.
Red flags, sirens go off in my head. Thsi is not good!!!!! This can be an indication of a very severe illness, or at the very lease severe dehydration. I quickly call the number. "I'm sorry, the number you have reached has been disconnected". I tried 4 times, same message . I called the answering service, they had no other way to reach this family. I looked at the hospital record, they had one number down, it was the same one! I tried directory assistance, no listings!!!
I tried to breathe and prayed to Hashem that they would call back or have the sense to come to the hospital. I called the ER every hour, "did they show up?" but there was no record of this patient. There was nothing left to do, no where to turn. God help this baby!
I was worried, but was so bombarded with calls that I didn't worry about him until the dreaded fax came in. four hours later:
"Joe shmoe, 1 week old male, won't stop crying, won't stop vomiting, keeps trying feeds, now has many large very bloody mucousy stools, belly is rock hard, very distened, baby looks strange"

I never cursed quite like that moment, but since I was alone....

This was horrible, this baby sounded critically ill, I had seen this before in the NICU, I had seen it snuff out the life of too many precious newborns. Four precious hours had gone by, this could have been prevented, and this child was feeding, which is the worse thing you can do in this case.
I rush to the phone and dialed the new number. It rang, a calm woman ( she sounded 16) answered "hey", there was hip hop on in the background, and a baby weakly whimpering over and over, not a cry of a healthy child. She told me her baby looked "bad'. I nearly lost it with her, but thought about myself when I was 16. It turned out "baby daddy" stopped paying his cell phone bill. Mommy had a cell, but it was new and she was learning how to use it, she told me. Four hours ago when the doctor "didnt call back"( she didnt know dad's phone was dead) mommy assumed it was ok and all babies get like this. "I just thought he was very hungry becuase he has a growing belly to feed" it wasn't until the blood that she got scared that he was actually sick.
I told her to get in her car and come to the ER at once ( she assured me she had a car available, a car seat, and could legally drive)
ten minutes later I call back.
Are you on the way?
"not yet, I needed to get baby all dressed up for going outside"
what???
its 90 degrees at night!!!!

I tell her she has to go now, she says she is scared to come, she doesn't want her baby to get shots.
I tell her to call 911
she says "I'm not sure"
I tell her to stay put and that EMS will be coming for her.

I called 911 from my cell phone. ( hospital phones don't dial out to 911 apparently!)

They took what seemed to be forever to process the call, they were confused that I wasn't at the site. I assured them it was an emergency and that I was this patient's doctor.

maybe I too sounded 16, being that I was a little nervous.

One hour later the patient finally got to our ER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Story to be continued when I get back to the hospital on tuesday....

It is daily that I learn, "man plans and God laughs." I like to think that the world is never completely in our hands, but Hashem gave us hands to use, didn't he?

on that note

a song that fits how I feel tonight.
SG live 8/7/06 http://www.hddweb.com/56503/WS_10198.WMA