I am afraid of heights

Last time I was on call here at SCH ( let's call it smiling children's hospital) I was climbing into the bunk bed in the cell I call home, a mere few feet off the floor, yet from the top, I teetered precariously, hoping to stay aloft. Now I am not waxing poetic here in a sleepless delirium, but I am setting the stage for something I realise I have been feeling lately. I have "made it" they say, got my MD, here I am, Dora the explorer in hand, to heal the kids of the world (or just Long Island) yet I daily walk the tightrope. Will I fall from the edge at the expense of patient from the swiss cheese holes in my education, called 'real life experience' ? Can I assert myself when I need to, to advocate for a patient in need? Do I even know what I am doing here? could this bag of saline with very few solutes really be a doctor? will I know what to do when the big news hits and someone is in need. will I reach for my stethescope and fall out fo the bunk bed of doctorhood?